Of Mice & Men

I’ve been experiencing sort of a mental block lately, spreading myself too thin. So as I began to piece this website back together from the ground up I decided to look at some of my old writing. To be honest I’m grateful that I listened to that little voice in the back of my head. It reminded me exactly why I created this project and the purpose that I want to serve.

A few years ago I came out of a deep depression and began to rebuild my life. There were so many good things beginning to come together that I acted completely out of character and didn’t question a thing. Deep down I felt that it was about time, that this was my “glow up”. The relationships in my life were stronger than ever, I moved into a nice apartment in a nice part of town thanks to my new job, and I found a happiness free from anxiety.

It felt good.

So good in fact, that I didn’t bother concerning myself with the things I was neglecting. It was good in such a way that it felt like I deserved it, that I worked for it. So, I never bothered to thank God. My faith disappeared before my eyes. I lost focus when in regards to building a stronger relationship with the girl I love so dearly. My dreams for the future seemed less important than the present and my career goals took a backseat. Somehow the focus shifted to how everything looked and felt on the surface.

Because it felt good.

And like everything in this life, it felt good until it didn’t. Without prayer, humility, and action I was on borrowed time. The universe came to collect. Every day financial demands left my pockets empty, spare change hitting the pavement as I was strung up by ankles by debt. My relationship had its’ ups and downs but by his grace, it survived. The rest, however, didn’t. I was put in a position where I had to leave both jobs. I moved out of the apartment and back home in the best interest of everyone involved. My happiness made a swift exit as depression and anxiety took its’ place.

Simply put, my life was built on zero foundation and had finally collapsed. In hindsight, it’s funny that I said that as if anything I lost was truly mine in the first place. In the absence of distractions, I found clarity. I am broken. I am lost. I am both farther from God and closer than I have ever been. In my renewed faith, I am rebuilding. In the least few years, I was baptized. For that, I want to thank my men’s group at the time, my family, and the support of my significant other.

There is still much work to be done. There are many debts to be paid to those that have carried my burdens when I was weak. Today, I am not afraid to proclaim my flaws. I am not afraid to begin living a life with true transparency. Honestly, it is the only way that I will ever achieve the goals I set before myself and there are many. It’s important to me that I put in the work first and receive whatever blessings come my way as they come my way, without wanting or expecting more. 

In my faith, I will find strength. In my strength, I will become the man that I am called to be. A man that puts God, family, and purpose above all else. That’s why I created iamdedric. While this will serve as an exploration of a faith-based journey, it is a love letter to a generation that has lost themselves. A reminder that you aren’t alone. It is my hope that this blog offers both entertainment and insight.

As we dive into faith, fitness, and lessons in failure, I hope that it serves as a mirror in which you can reflect on your own lives through my misadventures and posts. Life is just in an exercise in survival, common sense, and love. We may not always know what’s in store for us, but I believe that it will be more than enough.

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